Build Your Personal Coping Menu
Short summary: Different tools work for different people. A coping menu helps you pick a tool before you are overloaded, so you don't have to figure it out in the hard moment.
Big idea​
There is no single "right" coping tool. What calms one person annoys another. A personal coping menu is your own short list of what actually helps you — chosen in advance, ready when you need it.
Why it matters​
In a stressful moment, it is hard to invent a good idea on the spot. A menu means you already decided. You just glance at it (or remember it) and pick something, the way you'd pick from a snack list when you're hungry instead of staring into an empty fridge.
The six tool categories​
A good menu has a few options from different categories, because different moments need different tools.
- Quiet tools — grounding, naming three true things, sitting somewhere calm, drawing
- Movement tools — a walk, stretching, shaking out your hands, jumping a few times
- Body tools — water, a snack, washing your face, the muscle squeeze-and-release
- Thinking tools — fact vs. story, "What do I know for sure?", a story-check question
- Connection tools — asking for help, sitting with someone, asking for a hug, talking to a trusted adult
- Repair tools — "I'm sorry, I was overwhelmed," starting over, fixing what you can
Activity: Create your personal coping menu​
Fill in one or two tools you'd actually use in each category. Keep it real — only list things you'd genuinely try.
| Category | My tool(s) |
|---|---|
| Quiet tools | |
| Movement tools | |
| Body tools | |
| Thinking tools | |
| Connection tools | |
| Repair tools |
You can write it on a card, draw it, or just keep it in your head.
This menu is yours. You can keep it completely private, share just part of it, or show it to someone you trust who can help you use it. No one should make you read it out loud or hand it over.
Discussion questions​
- Why might the same tool work great for one person and not at all for another?
- Which category feels easiest for you to fill in? Which is hardest?
- When would a "connection tool" be better than a "quiet tool" — or the other way around?
Try it this week​
Use your menu once. When something knocks you off balance, glance at (or remember) your menu and pick one tool to try. Afterward, notice: did it help? If not, that's useful information — try a different one next time.
Adult note​
Do not force disclosure. A child's menu is personal; offering to help is fine, demanding to see it is not. Help kids include options across categories so they aren't relying on a single tool. Revisit the menu over time — favorite tools change as kids grow, and a menu that gets updated is a menu that gets used. Above all, keep the framing on self-understanding and choice, never on becoming quiet or convenient for adults.
Where to go from here​
You now have a full set of tools: noticing signals, pausing, grounding, breathing, body resets, story checks, asking for help, and your own menu. Keep the Printable Coping Skill Cards nearby so the tools are easy to grab when you need them.